new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
