Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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