I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
