I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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