Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
