Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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