After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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