Rock
Scissors
Fuck
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
