I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
