I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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