is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
