Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
