Cold hands, warm shart.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
