apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
