BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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