First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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