I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
