i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
