is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
