I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
