I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
