but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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