I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
