Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
