Ambien. No doubt about it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
