shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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