stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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