I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
