that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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