I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
