So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's always time for handjobs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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