Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Enjoy the penises
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
