I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
