Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
