i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
