dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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