Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
