I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
