Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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