so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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