Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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