Michael Bay diarrhea
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
