i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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