He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
