I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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