it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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