Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
