your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
