I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
