:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
