it wasn't lemon gatorade
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
