This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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