my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
